My ‘what’

When asked what is holding me back or what has held me back from reaching my full potential.. this is my response

Well there’s always the obvious one. My health. Living with chronic illness is hard and sometimes the best I can do is get up each day. Other days are much better. It’s up and down. It’s expensive. But I think that this is not my true ‘what’. My true what was my self esteem and self worth. It took me a very, very long time working on this. I did a lot of work with my team of doctors and health care professionals to get me where I am. Where I can look at myself in the mirror and know that I am worth the effort, know that I deserve to be happy, to be healthy, and that I am worth loving. This issue perhaps stems from my illnesses – I have had to rely so much on others when I go through really sick times which made me feel like I was burdening my family (though they’d never say that). But it left me feeling like I couldn’t spend time or money on myself because I owed everyone who helped me and cared for me. My time and resources should go to them. But really, those who care for me worry more when I don’t care for myself. Using my time and money to help my health and wellbeing is not being selfish. When I am feeling well I can better help those around me. Focussing on my health has bought joy to my heart but it’s also helped my friends who worry about me too. 

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