Lately I have experienced the ‘knocked down’ part of this quote. I am sure everyone feels it at least once in their lifetime. I know that I have. I also know that I have gotten back up many times over. This time has been my hardest to get back up. It doesn’t mean that I had ever completely given up it just means that my usual coping strategies had become annulled. I am usually a very resilient person who springs back into the game of life as if I had special bouncy boots on my feet. I usually try to find the positive in every situation and find something to be grateful for.
And as the quote above does truthfully state sometimes you don’t really know or fully understand the value of a moment until it becomes a memory. I’m learning to find value in this very long, and rather painful moment. I have found that I am actually surrounded by the most beautiful, kind, and giving hearts imaginable.
Now I’m not quite sure that I have screwed up but I do know that my life has been especially challenging the last few weeks. But the amount of people who have come forth to tell me they care, to check in, to ask if I’m okay – has been overwhelming. Sometimes I feel like the universe is trying to realign itself and sort out these challenges by showing the person who is suffering that just because they are feeling as if the darkness is engulfing them that there is also a force of light trying to break through that person’s never ending night.
These people have literally been little candles. Giving me some spark to reignite my flame. It’s hard – usually I’m the one trying to cheer others up and help get people back on their feet. It’s hard to admit that I am the vulnerable one right now. I have a weakness too. I never thought I was bullet proof but I also never thought I’d be so full of bullet holes and unsure of which to patch up first. But then again without these wounds.. I’d never know how strong my will to survive was either. It might take time to restitch each bullet wound, but I know I won’t be alone completing this task.
And then the humbling part of this long drawn out post hits home. My struggles that appear so big in my mind are so insignificant compared to what others have gone through.
I know my courage is greater than my fear. I know that I must be strong. My story is nothing compared to those living through war, famine, natural disasters,.. I fear the unknown but I cannot imagine what those who have had their lives literally torn asunder are going through. I will own my story. I will choose what will happen in the next chapter and I will grow and learn from this chapter.
I will also never forget those who came forth to help me when I didn’t know how to help myself.