Self Compassion 

Once I would have said that comparison is part of human nature. Recently I have come to the realisation that it isn’t something we are all born with. It is something that society has taught us.

If each of us stopped comparing ourselves to others I’m sure we would feel better about ourselves and therefore more comfortable with each other. Does it matter that your friend is taller than you? Slimmer than you are? Or faster? Or stronger? What should matter is whatever task you’re applying yourself to is your own journey. As long as you do your best – that’s enough. 

And to know that your best is enough.. that would be enlightening. Who are you trying to impress? Who is your harshest critic? I bet it’s not your friends – I would think your harshest critic is actually yourself. 

Stop beating yourself up. Learn to have self compassion. You are trying your best. You are not competing against anyone else. You will have your ups and downs but you are human. You are stronger than you think. Be kind to yourself.

You might be a glorious mess – that’s okay. That glorious mess is enough. If your friend was in the same situation as you are now  – would you judge them? Would you treat them harshly? Say terrible things to them? No, you wouldn’t. So why would you do that to yourself?

Remember who you are. This sounds simple and strange really – but it’s not. If you spend all your time comparing yourself to others you begin to lose sight of what makes you special. 

Your self worth comes from you. Sounds simple right? Yet many of us seek the approval of others. We value their opinions about ourselves more than we value our own. Why? The only person who knows your whole journey is you. So why is your opinion of lesser value? 

You are YOU. You alone are special, unique, and amazing. Your super power is that you’re an individual. You need to believe that you are deserving of compassion, respect, and love. You don’t need someone else to provide these things for you. You have the power to do this on your own. You need to trust yourself.

Respect yourself and treat yourself with kindness. When you can do this.. nothing will stop you. You will also then be able to show this love and compassion to others without comparing yourself and your journey to everyone else. 

Show your soul the unconditional love that you show your family and friends. 

You have a big heart and there’s enough love in it to share some with yourself. 

Change 

Change. For a small word – it has a lot of meaning. We all experience change in our lives. Sometimes it happens naturally, gradually, and mostly unnoticed like the way we grow from a child to an adult. Sometimes it happens suddenly and traumatically. And sometimes we decide to change. 


Change is inevitable. Nothing can stay exactly as it was forever. We change, we grow, and so does our environment.


We learn, we experience, and sometimes that leads us to a new perspective. You may enjoy reading the same page of your story over and over and not realise that you have in fact become stagnant. When you realise this you may be the one who wishes to turn the page and continue on with your story. Or you may have someone turn that page for you – whether you wished it or not.

Whichever way your change came about.. whether you chose it or not, it was going to happen at some point. Change can be frightening. Yet there’s something that may help you feel stronger – you have the power to control your reaction to change. You have the power to choose your new direction. You have the power to adapt. It might not seem like much – but it is. This is your life. You pick where you apply your energy. Are you going to hold onto something that ultimately didn’t make you happy? 


If you have chosen to move on from a situation – you have most likely come to the realisation that you’re not as happy in that place as you once were. If you have been pushed to change your life – then perhaps it wasn’t as great as you thought it was. In both experiences the situation was likely not making you happy or will not continue to make you happy. So why fight so hard to stay there? Why not fight harder to find something that will bring happiness and abundance to your life?


You might say that because the change had been thrust upon you that it was unjust. Perhaps it was. But really think about it – will fighting and resisting and staying in that place help you in the long run? Will being surrounded by the catalyst of change lead to a happier future? I’m not saying that it’s wrong to fight for what you believe in. Or that unjust situations should be ignored. I am simply suggesting that you think more deeply upon the situation and search for what will ultimately benefit you and the ones you care about.

Sudden change can feel disorienting, and anxiety inducing. It can feel like your world has been smashed to tiny pieces. Breathe. Hang in there. It will get better – but you have to hold on. 


Just as the caterpillar goes through a dark stage within the chrysalis so will you. Have faith that this too will change. Eventually you will find the courage to break out of your chrysalis and you will find that you have transformed. You will grow your own wings and you will fly to lofty heights. 


There is something that you must remember.. only you can do this. No one else can live your journey. You might have friends support you along the way but only you can live your life.

Courage, dear heart.

This bought a smile to my lips. Courage comes in all shapes and forms. For some courage looks like a spectacular show of fire works and for others (me included) it is a small flame in the darkness. This doesn’t mean that I am less courageous than others, my courage just comes across differently. 

Courage is that last grain of hope that you store in your heart. It’s all that’s left once your strength has passed.  It gives you the power to try once more. 


It is the key to life. Courage is not exclusive to any one person – we can all be courageous. For some, courage is the ability to keep trying and for others it takes courage to finally let go.


It takes courage to keep believing that life will get better. It takes courage to rebuild your life after trauma. It takes courage to live.


It takes courage to resist fear, to master fear, but courage also cannot exist without fear. So if you were never afraid then you would never have courage.


Courage is not something for the faint hearted. Courage is powerful. It can change your life. 


Many people assume only an elite person would have courage. This isn’t true. Courage is overcoming your fear – whatever that fear may be. Courage may be standing up for yourself loudly, and proudly. Courage may be standing up for yourself quietly, diplomatically, cautiously. Courage is starting something new, but it’s also finishing something that has long been your goal. 


Courage can be graceful, and courage can also be that last grunt before you cross the finish line. Courage is as unique to each individual as a snow flake is in a flurry.


Courage may be one single feat or it may be the combination of daily battles. Courage is perseverance to keep on trying. It’s the ability to go on when you think your battle is lost. Courage is the will to live. 


It takes courage to push away from all that you’ve ever known. It takes courage to walk a new and unfamiliar path. It takes courage to rebuild your life. It takes courage to let go of what no longer makes you happy.


It takes courage to know that this is not how the story is going to end. It takes..


It takes courage to be the heroine (or hero) of your own story.

It takes courage, dear heart, to be who you are.

Unique 

Are you afraid of someone knowing the true you? You shouldn’t be. You are unique.

This is a hard lesson to learn. Each of us has a different life path and while we may enjoy sharing that path with others from time to time, there will be twists and turns that only we can traverse. 

Those individual adventures that we must take build our characters. They help to shape who we are and also who we will become. Each of us are rare gems. These journeys make us more precious and allow us to sparkle and shine.

We may meet others on our journey who don’t understand our choices, or our thoughts. That’s okay. We will also meet people who just click with us and they will help us on our way. 

We have to remember to be ourselves. Don’t change for someone else – be an original. There’s only one of you! And that’s a very special thing. 

Be proud of who you are.


Be proud of your story.

Be unique. Be you.

Winnie the Pooh

A friend of mine posted a Winne the Pooh quote on Facebook. I don’t know if anyone else is a fan – I loved it as a child and I love it now. Just for different reasons. As a child it was a usually happy story with cute characters. Now as an adult.. the book/film/show is full of beautiful messages. 


Friendship 

Any thoughts?

In many ways I believe this. I am a person with an unusual personality type – INFJ. While I am friendly with many, I wouldn’t say that they were close relationships. Once I make a deep connection with someone it’s usually a long term friendship. These deep connections don’t happen very often but I cherish them when they do. 


I might not see my close friends often – due to distance, commitments, time, but these friends stand by me no matter my life circumstances. 


And I try my best to do the same for them. We may go months and sometimes years without seeing each other. But when we do finally catch up, nothing between us has changed. 


I think it’s important to reach out and check in with your friends. Whether it’s an email, text, Facebook message, or a phone call. Sometimes you won’t know that your friend is in need – some friends find it hard to say they’re struggling.


Likewise, when you’re in need.. your friends are better equipped to help you if they know what’s been happening in your life. So if you suddenly go quiet.. they might just be aware that something isn’t quite right. 


I am blessed that I have friends who know the difference immediately. This isn’t because I can’t hide my emotions – it’s because they care deeply enough to recognise when I’m feeling down. These are the friends you want in your life. 

These are the friends who ask you how you’re doing, and they actually listen to your response because they care. It’s easy to reply that you’re ‘good’ and most people will not stop to think about your response. They were only asking as it’s a greeting and were not actually interested in your response. An astute friend will look you in the eye.. and know. 


Friends are of vital importance. Without friendship where would we be? Who would we be? I’d be lost. 


I want to thank my friends for always sticking by me.. not sure how many read this but that’s okay too! Thank you to my friends who make me laugh even when I have tears in my eyes.

Talkers and Doers

Who agrees with this one?

Half of me does and the other half doesn’t. I think it’s important to work hard and be humble about what you’re doing. Slowly chipping away at your goal and getting closer and closer to success. Yet I don’t feel that your journey needs to be done silently. I find that discussing my journey, seeking advice, and learning from other people’s experiences often assists me in achieving my goals.

Perhaps I am simply looking at this quote in a different light – perhaps this quote is trying to tell us not to brag but let our hard work do the talking. Kind of like the old saying:


If that’s the case, I believe it. 


So which one are you? 


I never realised how long this topic has been around.. 


When you think about it.. this topic has been around since the beginning of time. There will always be talkers and there will always be doers. 


We have a choice to make. I wonder what you will decide? 

Tempest 

Anyone else out there who feels that they have been learning to be strong long enough? You’re not alone. Life seems to have a weird sense of humour. And there are times when you’ll probably think.. ‘right, it’s about time someone else learnt a lesson. I need a break!’. The problem is.. we don’t always get to choose.


Logically, it’s easy to know that this time of struggle will eventually come to pass. You’ll also be aware that you’re most likely going to be stronger for surviving your current dilemma. But, in the real world and in admist your tempest – it’s easy to get lost, disoriented, and down trodden.


Focus on getting through one hour at a time. When that passes focus on the next. Increase it to half a day, then a day, and so on. Eventually, you’ll have made it out of the eye of the storm. Storms can’t last forever – they only seem like they do. 


You are learning valuable skills. You’re learning coping strategies. Just like you have learnt in the mundane world that wearing a coat in winter will keep you warm – you’re now learning to cope with conflict, grief, upheaval, stress, or trauma. This will make you stronger. 


You will learn what works for you, who is still standing by your side, and you’ll also learn what it is that you truly value. The friends and loved ones who picked you up and shared your burden are your anchors. Even if all they could do was sit with you and patiently wait out the storm with you – that’s enough. That’s true friendship. 


Sometimes that’s all you need. Someone by your side. Someone who isn’t there to judge you, push you, fix things for you. If you have just one person – you are blessed. If there’s more than one in your life – you are remarkably blessed. These true spirits and kind souls – are what life is all about. Compassion, kindness, empathy, encouragement, shared strength, and love.


No one ever knows their true strength until it’s been tested. Even when you feel that you’ve been tested enough.. you’re growing, you’re becoming stronger every day… your storm was fierce. Maybe it is still fierce. But your rainbow will be a beacon of hope.

Your rainbow will be the brightest one yet! 

Fear


Fear. Four letters that can change your life. Fear has the ability to destroy your world or you can choose to destroy the fear. The way we look at fear will change the way we respond to whatever life throws at us. 


I have been learning to confront my fears so that I can push them aside and rise again. We all have fears and most of the time our fears are nothing more than annoying doubts. But sometimes we find ourselves the victim of circumstances where our fears don’t knock politely on our front doors. They come charging through and crash and harass you until all you know is those fears.


So how does one learn to overcome their fears? Slowly. Slower than a snail – well that’s how it feels for me right now. I’m learning to acknowledge my fears. To understand my fears. And then.. the next step is to overcome them. 

I’m growing stronger with every step. And I’m finding the courage to look fear in the face. That doesn’t mean that fear disappears completely. It just means that I have found something more important than that fear. Something stronger.


I am scared. I have fears. But I am also brave. Now isn’t that a turn around. 

I’m sure there are a lot of people out there, including you (dear reader) who have fears. Those fears might be real or imagined. But you keep living and you keeping putting one step in front of the other. You are brave. Has anyone told you that lately? It’s true. You’re still here. You are still fighting. You are brave. 

Being scared isn’t something to be ashamed of. You can’t be brave unless you have something you fear.